Walking a Fibro Witches path - Take care the road ahead is unmarked
I am a pagan who has been on this path for some twenty plus years. I became ill with something during the winter of 01/02. Not knowing what was wrong with me, I went from doctor to doctor, and was tested for every thing from thyroid problems, various cancers, heart disease, even STD’s, finally I was tested for Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. I ended up with a series of ‘diagnoses’ first pneumonia, then rheumatoid arthritis, then lupus, then fibromygalia, and back to Lupus
And then this happened
In May of 2004 I received full disability from Social Security, something I never expected. I have discovered no one plans on being fully disabled, never. My disability has opened my eyes to a side of life I never knew existed. One thing I have learned about lupus is this illness plays hide and seek with itself, and my body. Some days I feel wonderful, others I am in such pain I wish for release.
Disabled is such a strange and loaded word, especially when your disability is a hidden one the way mine is. Some days I am just as strong and healthy as I was before this illness struck me down. I have even been known to go from near death, to superwoman when my friends and family need me. Other days, I can’t move more than a few inches without help. Some times, something as small as doing housework is enough to drain me for a day or more. This illness, like other forms of arthritis can also be triggered by changes in the weather, by cold day, by warm days, by any days. Some days I start out well, only to be felled when I run out of spoons.
Which caused some changes
This was a major change in my life as I have always worked, and done well. I consider myself to be an accomplished and intelligent person, who liked to challenge myself mentally and physically when ever possible. I saw mental accomplishments to be far more important that physical ones. Among my mental accomplishments are, I was the 1994 American Society of Safety Engineers Student of the Year, and I have an IQ of 142, I read several periodicals, and books, leaning more toward current events, and history. I prefer the genre science fiction or speculative fiction to most ‘main stream’ fiction. I truly hate what this disease is doing to my brain as well as my body. I feel my memory fading away, and my knowledge going with it. I am more concerned that my mind will go than my body will.
An idea I hold dear
Is that every witch walks his or her own path. Sometimes as I join with other witches, our paths might for a moment merge, and then separate, each slightly changed from the touch.